I’m on the brink of jumping. The cliffs edge is beginning to crumble under my feet. I look down and the great expanse below. Going deeper and deeper and deeper. The wind blows in my face, taunting me with the secrets it carries from the unknown below. Secrets of my future. I gulp and heave a deep breath. I look back for a moment and wonder; what would happen if I just, don’t, step? I would be safe. But I would not be happy. I look back down. Down, down, forever down. Will I be happy there? I look up. The sky is blue, deep, bright blue. The sunshine warms my face and whispers hope. A hope that will not disappoint. A hope that is already won. I close my eyes, breath in the sun-warmed air, and slowly lean forward. I feel the pebbles crumble beneath my bare toes. I stretch my arms out on either side, hands open, fingers spread wide, stroking the soft air as I bend forward. Slow motion. And suddenly, my feet find air. I am falling.
This is how I feel about my life right now. I don’t know what to expect. I thought I was getting used to that, but then again, God obviously isn’t done with me yet, and He always brings the unexpected. But the unexpected is not necessarily a comfortable place to be, in fact I hope it never is. Because if it were comfortable, then I wouldn't be unexpected.
It’s been almost a year since I headed out to Colorado to go to Focus Leadership Institute.
Almost.
One.
Year.
That fact didn’t break my heart till just now, as I was sitting here thinking about the future that will unfold for me tomorrow as I start classes at Cornerstone University. After writing that bit about the cliff, just free writing, I read a new post on my friend, and FLI classmate, Meg's blog. She talked about her first day of classes, and how her she was missing FLI. As I read, the thought hit me: this aint no Colorado, and the people I meet tomorrow aint no FLI classmates. But I’m here. And this is where I belong, God has made that clear. And being here, was so unexpected.
One year ago, I thought I would be studying radio.
One year ago, I thought I was someone else.
One year ago, I was on another cliffs edge, running, like they do in cartoons, right off the edge without even realizing it until I was about ten feet into the air, then suddenly standing still, looking down, finally aware I was off the edge. And not till then did I start falling.
And look where I landed!
I cant begin to know what will happen in my life these next months. I can barely grasp my hopes of what my life will be. But I have faith that God does, and He is the author and finisher of that faith. So I will continue on this leap of faith, and I will trust fall right into the arms of the One who always catches me.
Deep breath.
And here I go…
