This Year is Different

Today I realized something.

For the four semesters I was at community college, I would tape a picture to the cover of my notebook. Each semester a new notebook, but the same picture, laminated and covered in packing tape, tattered around the edges and slightly faded. It was a picture that had hung on my bedroom walls all through high school. It was my motivation. This picture was of several students smiling chilly smiles, dressed head to toe in winter gear. Bold words ran across the picture “Faith can move mountains…come practice with us in the Rockies.” It was an advertisement for Focus on the Family Institute (now Focus Leadership Institute) that I had clipped out of a magazine. It was to remind me.

Everyday, I would think to myself “why am I even here? I hate the teachers, I hate the homework, I’m sick of the foul language spinning around me. Why cant I just quit?” then I would look at my notebook, place my hand on those smiling faces, and remember. In order to achieve my dream and attend the Institute, I had to finish those first two years of college. It was hard, some day’s it really hurt. But I made it.

This year I don’t need a picture of strangers to tape to my notebook, because I have countless pictures and memories of friends, brothers and sisters, to remind me.

This year I don’t need to picture to help me make it though the school year, but I do need the memory to help me continue straight forward, to not only get through the day, but to strive to apply the things I learned about God, myself and others in this new school.

This year I have been equipped.

This year, I begin again.

What pictures will I fill my notebook cover with next?

...and these are just a few...

Future Falling

I’m on the brink of jumping. The cliffs edge is beginning to crumble under my feet. I look down and the great expanse below. Going deeper and deeper and deeper. The wind blows in my face, taunting me with the secrets it carries from the unknown below. Secrets of my future. I gulp and heave a deep breath. I look back for a moment and wonder; what would happen if I just, don’t, step? I would be safe. But I would not be happy. I look back down. Down, down, forever down. Will I be happy there? I look up. The sky is blue, deep, bright blue. The sunshine warms my face and whispers hope. A hope that will not disappoint. A hope that is already won. I close my eyes, breath in the sun-warmed air, and slowly lean forward. I feel the pebbles crumble beneath my bare toes. I stretch my arms out on either side, hands open, fingers spread wide, stroking the soft air as I bend forward. Slow motion. And suddenly, my feet find air. I am falling.

This is how I feel about my life right now. I don’t know what to expect. I thought I was getting used to that, but then again, God obviously isn’t done with me yet, and He always brings the unexpected. But the unexpected is not necessarily a comfortable place to be, in fact I hope it never is. Because if it were comfortable, then I wouldn't be unexpected.

It’s been almost a year since I headed out to Colorado to go to Focus Leadership Institute.

Almost.

One.

Year.

That fact didn’t break my heart till just now, as I was sitting here thinking about the future that will unfold for me tomorrow as I start classes at Cornerstone University. After writing that bit about the cliff, just free writing, I read a new post on my friend, and FLI classmate, Meg's blog. She talked about her first day of classes, and how her she was missing FLI. As I read, the thought hit me: this aint no Colorado, and the people I meet tomorrow aint no FLI classmates. But I’m here. And this is where I belong, God has made that clear. And being here, was so unexpected.

One year ago, I thought I would be studying radio.

One year ago, I thought I was someone else.

One year ago, I was on another cliffs edge, running, like they do in cartoons, right off the edge without even realizing it until I was about ten feet into the air, then suddenly standing still, looking down, finally aware I was off the edge. And not till then did I start falling.

And look where I landed!

I cant begin to know what will happen in my life these next months. I can barely grasp my hopes of what my life will be. But I have faith that God does, and He is the author and finisher of that faith. So I will continue on this leap of faith, and I will trust fall right into the arms of the One who always catches me.

Deep breath.

And here I go…

Be Still

Five Minute Friday Writing Prompt: Still.

Be still, and know that I AM GOD.

What does it mean to be still?

Every year at Varsity Camp, the campers are challenged with this question. We are encouraged to find a time to be still and quiet before the Lord, without distraction of friends, food, or other activities, and just listen. At some time during the week we break after chapel, and without speaking, we all scatter around camp, for a time of silence and solitude. Usually we are given 45 minutes or so to dedicate to being still.

I live for these short moments.

After being released from the chapel I make a bee-line for my cabin, grab my towel, and with my Bible and journal in hand, I all but run down the Bear Trail out to the Back 40, across the Angle Ball field, and through the break in the trees onto the trail for the Disc Golf course. I pass the first tee off point, pass the basket for hole one, down the hill, through the narrow, sandy path, until finally I find my resting place. My refuge within my refuge. The second tee off point.

The disc golf course is built right into the woods, the paths naturally bend and curve to the flow of the forest, over hills, through weed covered fields, marsh, grass and sand. It’s like secret world, when I’m back there, I can forget the hard things, I can breath, I can be still.

I check my watch to see how many precious, silent moments are left, then I lay out my towel on the sandy floor. This tee off point is in the perfect location, in front of me starts the short board walk over the marshy field, with hole two on a hill in the distance. Behind me and on my right and left are trees, shading me from the hot sun, yet filtering through it’s golden light.

I lay my head down on my Jacobs rock. In the front, right corner of the wood framed square of sand, is a medium sized rock, with a gentle curve just right to cradle my head. It reminds me of the rock Jacob laid down on in the Old Testament.

I lie there and feel the sunshine warm me. I ease my breathing and relax my body. Peace fills me.

Bugs try to bother me, ants crawling on my arms, flies buzzing around and around my head, but I ignore their annoyances, and thank God for their existence. I thank Him for everything I see, gentle whispers of thanks.

When I’m out there, I am reminded that He is God. That’s something I forget in the noise. The noise of sound, the noise of responsibilities, the noise of my possessions. I forget.

Sometimes we just need to find a place to leave behind the noise, and just meet God with empty hands and open hearts. A place where we can silence our thoughts and hear His still, small voice.

Be still, and know that I Am God.

(This post was inspired by a woman who challenges writers to “Write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing.” She gives a word every Friday. I realize that this is Saturday, and it did take me longer then five minutes to write this, but, oh well.
Also, to you camp people who may read this, next silence and solitude when I'm actually at Camp, please don’t steal my spot!)

Tomato Hearts and Train Rides (Lowville, NY: Sunday & Monday)

Sunday, my final day.

We woke bright and early and went to church, I love experiencing other people’s churches, it gives so much insight to who they are by seeing how their church family has influenced their life. as this was the end of my week, I already knew that Meg has been deeply impacted by her church family, and she in turn impacts them. After the service was over Meg had so many people to talk to, it made me glad to see her running around greeting the old and young alike. :-)

After we got home, we decided to pop in a movie. We’d wanted to watch Sense and Sensibility together, so we decided on that. However, I passed out asleep before we even met Colonel Brandon, and Meg fell asleep soon after, and we both slept right through until the wedding bells rang at the end!

By that time it was getting closer to dinnertime. We had been hoping to get together with a bunch of people for some Ultimate Frisbee followed by a bon fire, but since not many people could make it, we were reduced to me, Meg and Dan, with Auggie and their other friend Tyler.

Auggie and Meg got busy bustling around the kitchen making pizzas, with me and the boys looking on (I offered to help, but they had everything down to such a system, having done this together multiple times, that my assistance was unneeded). So I was deemed official documenter of the cooking.

Though I did amuse myself by chopping up the tops of the tomatoes into tiny pieces, then molding them into an “M” (for Meg) then bringing the bottom together to form a heart. Though then I made the mistake of teasing her by calling her by a nick-name I know bugs her, (which I wont mention here ;-) so I had to sit on her to make her take a picture of my “gift”. :-)

Then I did the same with the tomatoes to form an “A” for Auggie, and turned it into a heart. Then the guys got jealous, so I did the same for a “D” and a “T”.

By this time the pizza’s were ready, so we grabbed our slices (which were wonderfully delicious!) and sat down for another movie. This time the feature was Father of the Bride 2 (the one when both the daughter and mother are pregnant at the same time). It was great fun, us girls talking about being pregnant someday, and the guys talking about how they were so glad they wouldn't be pregnant one day.

After the movie we returned to the kitchen, where Auggie made us root beer floats. Then we hung out until Auggie and Tyler called it a night, after which I was forced to pack and prepair for my departure.

Monday morning came too soon. My phone began to chime too loudly at 5:30. I punched it off and groaned, then rolled over and looked out the window. The guest room faces the east, and I was greeted with a bright, cherry and golden sunrise, as the clouds danced to welcome in the new day. That made it easier to get out of bed.

All too soon, Meg and I were loading my stuff into the truck and hitting the road for the hour or so ride to the train station.

As we got near to the station, we got a little lost, so Meg pulled over into a gas station for directions. Turns out there was a cab driver there who was going to the train station to pick someone up, so he offered to let us follow him! Well ok then. :-)

Shortly, we pulled into the station, and it was time to say goodbye to my dear friend. I gave her a hug and promised to text her to let her know I got to the next station alright, then I hefted my two back packs and my lap top bag and headed into the station.

I’d never ridden a train before, and the first stop was easier then I thought it would be, just bet my ticket, and sit outside and wait for the train to come. It was the Penn station in New York City, where I switched trains and had a two hour layover that I found difficulty.

When we were finalizing our plans of me riding the train a few months ago, Meg had said “I’m kind of jealous, I’ve never ridden a train, but it seems like it’d be romantic.” However, when I texted her to let her know I’d made it, I said “note to self, Penn station is anything but romantic! But I found a Tim Hortins here, so I’m happy.” The place was chaos in a bottle! People everywhere, all with multiple pieces of luggage, going everywhere and nowhere. There was nowhere to sit except the floor, and nothing you could do about your luggage but haul it around wherever you went (which made the line in the bathroom interesting). I had two backpacks with me, one very large one with all my clothes (because I was unable to find a duffle when I was packing), and another smaller one, in which I had managed to fit a gallon container of maple syrup given to me by Meg's mom (which I had to get home, it’s my moms favorite! But goodness was it heavy!) Plus my laptop bag which had my less then small laptop, and rather clunky camera! Another note to self, I will never again travel by train or plane without first investing in a suitcase on wheels.

But as I was wondering around, trying to find some floor where I could wait while keeping an eye out on the departures board to be notified what track my train would load from (because they didn’t tell you until about five minutes before departure!) I walked past a Tim Hortins! Ok, Timmy’s is my favorite coffee place, their iced capps are my number one stress food, and they don’t have them in Maryland. I stood looking at the shop for a second, thinking if it was worth it, since I knew it’d be more expensive here. But then I decided it was worth it. So I plunked my money down and found peace in a cup (though I have to admit, it was the worst iced cap I’ve ever had, just not the same quality. But it still did its job.) Then I sat myself down in view of the boards, and waited, taking in the view and watching the people.

Finally, the track was announced and I joined the throng of passengers as we shuffled down the stairs and to the platform.

On the train I found a window seat, and got settled in. I opened my laptop and popped in my favorite Disney movie, Tangled, and watched New York slip away.

Two hours later the Aberdeen stop was announced, and I shuffled off the train into good old Maryland humidity.

My grand trip was over, I had such a wonderful and relaxing time with Meg and her friends and family. I loved not only seeing Meg's life from her eyes, but living it as well! There’s so much I learned about her that I never could have known without seeing her home. And it was wonderful to be able to put faces to the names she’s talked about. And to be called “Shley” not only by friends, but by strangers and adults!

Thank you Meg, for so many smiles and memories, I will cherish them always.

Ok, your turn! When are you coming to stay a week with me after I get back to Michigan? :-)

Ferris Wheels and Photo Shoots (Lowville, NY: Saturday)

Both Meg and I enjoy photography. One of our fondest memories at FLI was a photo adventure six of us students took to Bishops Castle. So, it was in the plans that some time that week, we have a photo shoot session around Meg's property. So, we got up early Saturday morning (early to avoid the heat and humidity as much as we could) and made ourselves pretty, armed ourselves with our cameras and headed out. A few hours and a couple hundred pictures later, we headed back in to load our spoils.

After that we headed back for the last day at the fair. We watched Dan show a few times, then we headed to the pavilion to see if Meg's friend Auggie was working at her family’s booth. The corner of the pavilion was completely taken over by Auggie’s family. They had a wonderful set up, a couple of fans and a couch, I think they had more people just hanging out and keeping cool then actual business! It was fun.

After we’d spent quite awhile collapsed on the couch in front of the fan, we finally pulled ourselves up to venture out again. The first day Meg had pointed out that they had maple flavored cotton candy, and I’d been wanting some all week. So we went out and I got my sugar, then Auggie and I shared it. it was good! (of course, sugar and me? yes!)

Over the course of the day, Auggie and I discovered that Meg had never ridden a Ferris wheel, so we convinced (slash, forced) her to go with us. Just as the sun was setting we bought our tickets and climbed on board, Lowville from the sky is beautiful!

We had a blast riding around and around, snapping pictures and laughing. All too soon the ride began to slow as we reached the bottom, with sad faces we turned to watch the opporator come within view. But just as we reached the bottom he asked us “would you like a double ride?” as if he had to ask!

After we hopped off the Ferris wheel, thanking the operator, we headed out to explore the fair grounds one last time, with some impromptu photo shooting.

Soon we wondered around a corner and what did I see but a stage with plastic robotic vegetables singing to a row of empty benches! I excitedly ran up and sat myself down on the bench, swaying back and forth to the music. Auggie joined me and we both pulled out our cell phones and waved our lighted screens in the air. All too soon the music stopped and the curtain was drawn. Distraught I looked to Meg, “aw! It’s over already!?” but she assured me not to worry, it would be back in 90 seconds!

So we waited, and waited, and finally the curtain went up and the vegetables started singing about the garden ABC’s once again! I grabbed Meg and Auggie and we danced to the music (much to the amusement of a group of teens gathered near by. When the curtain fell again, we gigglingly grabbed our stuff and headed out.

But the night was not over! We found out that Auggie’s family was getting together to get to know her brothers new girl friend, and if Meg and I wanted, we could tag along. So we did. We talked about baby names and heard the couple’s story from the girlfriend’s point of view, and just had a lot of fun.

Finally, after a long day of laughs and good memories, we headed home.

Making Faces At Famous People (Lowville, NY: Thursday & Friday)

Thursday we woke to the smell of bacon (REAL bacon as Meg informed me, fresh from their very own pigs!) we moseyed on downstairs where we joined Meg's mom and cousin for breakfast on the large wrap around porch. Be jealous! Not only did we have fresh, home grown bacon, but we also had Johnny Cake drizzled with fresh maple syrup tapped from the trees on their property! Mm, mm!

Then we went back to the fair and watched Meg's brother show his draft horses, after which we headed out to clean the church.

So several months ago, when we started making plans for this trip, I kept going back and forth on the decision to come, due to the expense of coming back. With some researching Meg found what it would cost to come back by train, a price that was just over what I would want to spend. So things were looking grim, when Meg suggested we raise a bit of money while I'm here! She has a job cleaning her church every week, so she said that if I were to help her with that, we could use the money made there to help pay my ticket! So, we found refuge in the nice, cool church and we wiped down, swept up straightened and vacuumed. Though we didn’t think it made much sense to actually work to get the money, since why would I want to leave anyways?? :-)

After we got the church cleaned in record time, we came back and took a trip on the four-wheeler out to the sugar bush, the part of the woods where they tap for sap and make delicious maple syrup!

Then, to end the hottest of days, we went to the home of Meg’s pastor and I met three of their five girls, and their days old little baby boy. After cooing over the newborn (and he was worth much cooing!) Meg, her mom and I took the three little girls for a walk into town to an old-fashioned ice cream parlor. The girls chatted all the time and promptly stole my heart (I think they would fit in my suit case…). We ate our ice cream then headed back. The walk back had the girls getting slower and more tired, but Meg and I “flew” the youngest across all the streets, and Meg’s mom skipped with the older two to keep everyone having fun.

When we got back to their house, we hung out, talking to their mommy with some more admiring of the little man, the oldest of the three brought me upstairs to show me her room, and the youngest sat with me while we watched some kids show, counting and learning colors.

I had such a wonderful time; I think I could fit them all in my suitcase, couldn’t I?

Friday had us making the final profit for my train ticket home. We rinsed out several garbage bags full of pop cans and bottles, and then we loaded up about ten bags and heaved them into Wal-Mart. We set up camp in front of the return machines, getting into a sticky system: grab bottle, place in hole, wait, repeat. We made enough off of the returns to finish up the bill of my ticket! (was that a good thing?)

Next, what do we do but head back to the fair! Meg works at the library in Lowville, so she knows people who know people who know people, and those people just happened to have backstage passes to meet Josh Thompson that night before his concert at the fair. (though, of course, neither of us knew who Josh Thompson was, or if we should be excited to meet him or not. But hey, free backstage pass to meet someone whose supposedly famous? Ok!)

So we joined the library employees, and Meg talked her brother Dan into joining us, and we went to wait next to Josh Thompson’s bus. While we were waiting, we were asked to just let their official photographer take pictures, rather then wait for everyone to take pictures with their personal cameras. They would post the pictures online where we could download them later. Since we had no special reason to be impressed by meeting this guy, I talked Meg and Dan into agreeing to make a face in the picture. “He wont even know!” I told them, “Yeah,” Meg retorted, “but his photographer will!” Be that as it may, when it was our turn to go stand next to this slightly famous country singer, we said “hello” and turned toward the camera, and all made a face. The photographer, who had been looking pretty bored up to this point, started laughing “that is awesome!” he said. Josh Thompson looked surprised and confused, “what?” he kept asking, “What happened??” his photographer assured him he’d show him later, and we all walked off, high fiveing each other that we would be remembered.

The rest of the concert we spent on the bleachers next to the stage (facing the grandstand) we had way more fun people watching the audience then we did watching the show, we also enjoyed poking fun at the rock-star-wanna-be bass guitar player (dude, skinny jeans and cow boy boots? Really?)

After the concert was over, Meg and I made a quick trip to see the polka band, and remember with fondness the short polka lesson one of our Focus classmates gave us.

Coffee and Rag Curls (Lowville, NY: Wednesday)

Yesterday had us waking up early (6:30am) to head out for coffee and waffles. Every week, Meg meets with a handful of women on Wednesday mornings, and they just fellowship and encourage each other for a few hours. What a lovely way to bring in the morning! And what a blessing to have such a great group of women in your life to mentor and encourage you!

From there we went immediately back to the fair grounds. There we hung out in the stands, watching Meg's brother Dan as he showed his horses, and we walked around a bit more, getting some cream cheese and cracker samples from the Kraft tent for a snack (apparently Kraft has a big factory in the area).

Around lunch time we headed home and made up some food, then we discussed what to do next. We both agreed that the best thing we needed was a nap, so we brought our books outside, and Meg settled into the chaise of the porch, while I crawled into the hammock in the front, and we each read for a few minutes before dozing off. We’d planned on an hour and a half nap, three and a half hours later as woke up. It was lovely.

By then it was dinnertime, so we helped Meg’s mom prepare dinner, then gathered around the table. During the meal, Meg and her dad started sharing stories of their many miraculous adventures during their multiple missions trips to the Ukraine. We sat there for a couple hours listening as Meg and her dad remembered story after story, with an occasional comment from her mom. It was wonderful to hear the incredible ways God used them and the people they were with to spread His story! I could have listened all night, but around ten we finally cleaned up the table.

A few weeks ago, when we were talking about me coming to visit, Meg asked me if she could try putting my hair in rag curls, so last night we did that, and while we were at it we watched Tangled, (which we had seen together in theaters on opening day while we were in Colorado). Despite my long nap, I was dozing during the movie, and shortly after the ending credits I collapsed into bed and slept beautifully!

(Meg and Me...like my dress? :-)