Ready.

I think I’ve lost my heart to a group of kids that I haven’t even met yet.

I get on a plane tomorrow (TOMORROW!) to fly to a country that no one has heard of (I can’t even count the number of blank stares I’ve gotten just today when I say “I’m going to Lesotho”), where I’ll be spending two weeks at an orphanage called Beautiful Gate. And the question on everybody’s lips, “Are you ready?”

Am I ready? I don’t know, I’m packed, I’ve had my shots, is that ready?

I didn’t think I was until after last Sunday when Terp (the ambassador for Beautiful Gate) came to my church to talk to the youth group about their trip next summer. It was perfect timing for me, hearing Terp’s passion and love for these kids, it reminded me why it was important. It set my heart on fire, I was so excited to leave.

And then tonight, I went to church with my friend Jessie. Do you think it’s a coincidence that the preacher spoke about God being our Abba Father, we have been adopted into His family, and we are called to show God’s love to the world? I didn’t either. It’s so great when God puts us in the right place at the right time, so we can hear the right thing. I just kept thinking about the kids I would be meeting in just a few days, kids without fathers, or mothers, and I get to have the chance to share just a few days with them.

I was so overwhelmed, I started crying, and then I couldn’t stop crying, even after the worship team came back for some closing songs and the preacher closed us in prayer, and the lights came back on. The tears would not stop flowing. Friends, I do not cry in public, especially in a place where no one knows me! But the tears were an outpouring of the love I felt from God, I couldn't hold it in. You guys, we have been adopted into God’s family! That’s how much He loves us! 

My heart is so full. I want to share the full out, give it all, hold nothing back, sacrificial, everlasting, selfless, boundless, unstoppable, agape love that God shows me everyday, with those kids. I'm only one person, but God has made it clear that He is in control, I can trust Him, and He loves me, and He will help me love. 

Now when I ask myself “are you ready?” I think the answer is yes. I’m ready.

“For you did receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, and by Him we cry ‘Abba, Father’” – Romans 8:15

Resume

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters.

He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake. 

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

-Psalm 23

…The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

I lack nothing. 

For some people, their resume is just a list of places they’ve worked. But for me, it is a list of God’s fulfilled promises, and the promise that He has and will always provide. It is proof that His rod and staff will guide me. 

When it comes to work, and jobs, I have been abundantly blessed, especially for someone in my stage of life. For some reason that I do not understand, God has seen fit to faithfully provide work for me almost before I have the need! And every job has been one that I’ve rather enjoyed! (Or at least learned a lot). You can call it coincidence, but you would be wrong. 

Want to know what I mean?

Mount Clemens Public Library

I got my first job when I was sixteen. I’d been talking with my parents about starting to look for a job, and had even picked up an application or two, but before I could actually submit anything, I got a call from my local library. The children area needed a page (someone to sort and shelve books) and the librarian, knowing our family and that we were homeschooled, thought of me (they wanted someone who could work during school hours, homeschoolers are good at that). I applied, interviewed, and was hired. (Fun Fact: my last name, “Padgett” comes from the French for “Page”, so I was literally “Page the page”) 

Four years later I left only because we were moving. But I loved that job!

Adventures in Odyssey

Next, I went to Colorado Springs. You know the one, 80995? I was a student at Focus Leadership Institution (where I had dreamed to be all through high school). Part of the program was interning with a department within Focus on the Family. I of course longed to be a part of the kids radio drama Adventures in Odyssey, it was my whole reason for coming! But there were only two positions available with AIO, and more than two students who had applied. Guess who one of the two were?

It was surreal. 

Nanny 

After they forced us to leave FLI when the program came to an end, I returned to Maryland, where my family now lived, and I was sure this would be the time that God made me wait to find a job, to learn the struggle of applying and waiting and wondering. But He had other plans. Before I even got to MD, a friend of my parents had asked about me, wondering if I would be interested in nannying for a family he knew. I called, I interviewed, I was hired. Several months working as a mothers helper for a family of four. 

Cold Stone Creamery 

Then I came back to Michigan. Surely this was it, the time to start worrying. But before I even left MD I threw in an application to Cold Stone in Grand Rapids. Sure it’s a low end job, but I like ice cream, so I’ll give it a try. I got a call, I interviewed, I was scooping ice cream within my first month in GR. 

Barnes & Noble

My first week back in “The Gan” I had gone to the mall and just picked up applications from every store I would ever consider working at. Except, I almost skipped one, because I knew there was no way, and I would be too disappointed not to get a job there because how great would it be to work at Barnes and Noble!? But I applied anyways, and didn't hear back. That was that…until…

After only working about two months at Cold Stone, I was done, the hours sucked, the manager was difficult, and all my co-workers were high school theater kids (no offense to theater kids, I think they’re great, but the drama!!) But before I could fully form a thought about where else I could go, I get a call from Barnes and Noble! “We’re hiring for the Christmas season and would you be interested in coming in for an interview?” Um, yes!

I interviewed, I was hired.

But only for the season, I knew that, it had to end. Except…turns out there was an opening in the children department, and because of my experiance with kids books and my high school job at the library, would I consider staying on part time in that department? Of course I would!

Arnies

Barnes was great! But it was only part time and at this point, I had student loans to pay, so I started thinking I should get a second job. I mentioned this to a woman at my church, and she suggested applying at a local family restaurant, Arnies. I applied, I interviewed, I was hired.

This job had it’s moments, talking to the customers was fun, smelling like food and sweat every day and dealing with people when they are hungry and at their worst? Not so much. But I was decent at the job, and I learned a lot…But when I quit to go work the summer at camp, I can’t say I was too disappointed. 

Nanny part 2

When I came back from camp I knew I’d need another job, Barnes had graciously held my job through the summer, but it still wasn't enough. So I thought I’d try nannying again. I created a profile on an online nanny site, and after a few bumps in the road (which seemed like a big deal at the time, but now I’m thankful for!) I received an email from a family with two kids, a seven year old boy, and a six month old baby girl. I interviewed, I was hired, and my heart was stolen. 

It has been almost three years and these kids have become so much more than a job to me, I can’t even describe how much I have loved being a part of these kids lives and having them as a part of mine. If I have a life calling, this is it. And I know without a doubt that God orchestrated that our paths would cross.

Now, I am about to be jobless again very soon, my precious nanny family is moving to San Francisco in just a few weeks. I have another part time nanny job lined up for the summer, and the hint of a second part time opportunity (another “it just so happens…” instance that just might come about to fit perfectly as these things so often do). But then what? Do I worry? YES! Should I worry? NO! If I know anything about God’s track record in my life, He’s going to provide in surprising ways before I’m even looking for it! He has led me besides still waters and green pastures, guided my path, prepared my table, anointed my head and surely His goodness and love will follow me like it always has! But I still worry, still fret, still wonder, and still doubt. 

Just look at these other things He has provided, undeniably, for me just in the past few years:

• I won a contest (that I have no memory of entering!) for $800 to JC Penny!
• My school debts, which were minuscule compared to a majority of my peers, were paid off by a timely circumstance.
• I live in a huge house with three other girls, which is cared for by my church, and the rent is hardly a drop in a bucket compared to what a tiny apartment would cost. 
• This may seem silly, but there have been many times when I was craving chocolate and in need of encouragement, and the next day someone randomly gifted me the exact kind of chocolate I was wanting, often accompanied by kind, encouraging words or actions. Laugh if you want, but the timing was just too perfect. 

God is good.

He provides.

He refreshes my soul.

My cup overflows.

To A Father Who...

Taught us to love adventure…even when everyone else freaks out

Brought us on Daddy Daughter Dates on special Saturday mornings

Made good use of family dinnertime to keep us well informed citizens

Calls us “just to say hi”

Never forgets to tell us he’s proud of us

Still helps us with car troubles, even from states away

Has taught us to be independent

But still sometimes tells us to text him when we get to where we’re going

Is always ready to share his wisdom, whether we ask for it or not

Taught us to laugh at ourselves

Has taught us to get back up and try again when we fall

Taught us to think for ourselves and supports our decisions

Still has time for a family bike ride after a long day at work

Has sacrificed much so we could always have enough

Will always answer his phone

Has taught us to enjoy life

Has loved our mother

Has raises his boys to be men, and his girls to be women

Will go to the greatest lengths to protect and help us

Will always find fun ways to spend time with his kids

Still does “Dad Things” from so far away

Has prayed for us everyday and always kept God as a center in the household

To a father who may be growing old, but hasn't ever quite grown up

To a father who is all these things and more, happy Fathers day, I’m so blessed to have get to call you “Dad”. 

Ruby [There’s No Place Like Home]

I may be only half joking when I tell people that my car is my best friend…but I really am at least half serious…at least.

Now don’t worry, I don’t really believe that she’s a person, with feelings and personality, but haven’t you ever had an imaginary friend? You know that you’re really only talking to yourself, but it’s more fun to pretend, it even brings you comfort when you’re scared or nervous, it’s someone to talk to when you’re bored or lonely. That’s how it is with Ruby. And we’ve been through so much together in the past three years, years which I mark as the most life changing season of my life, and Ruby’s played a huge role in most of those moments! So is it any surprise that I’ve developed an emotional attachment with a car? (Dear readers of the male variety, I’m a girl, we do that.)

Soon, after nearly four faithful years, I am going to have to say farewell to Ruby. But I will never forget her (surly you males can understand always having a special place in your heart for your first car!?) while Ruby may not be my first car, she will always be the most special, and I want to document our story together…

Yes, we do dress in matching costumes at Christmastime 

Ruby is a family car, she came into our family when some close friends of ours moved to Japan and needed to unload her quickly. Just so happened that at the time my dad needed a car, so he bought her from them. Dad drove her for a few years before he got the job in Maryland, at which point he would need a newer, more efficient car to get him from Maryland to Michigan over the next few months. Meanwhile, my first car, Charlotte, was getting persnickety and I was in need of a newer, better car then she could be for me. So, Dad got his new car, and sold me Soon-To-Be-Ruby for the price I got for Charlotte.

And thus, at the age of 19, I became the owner of my second car, and I had no idea just how important this car would quickly become.

For the first few weeks of ownership, I mulled over what I would name my new/used car. I wanted it to be something meaningful, and something to do with “home”. Because my family would be moving away to Maryland that summer without me, leaving me “homeless” while I was at camp, following which I would be going to Colorado for the next few months, and then who knows where, so the joke was that for me, “Home Is Where My Car Is”.  I was sharing this with my co-worker on night as we were walking to our cars, and she said “Ah, there’s no place like home.” and that’s when it hit me! Ruby. She is named after the Ruby Slippers from the Wizard of Oz, the tools which return Dorothy home. “But Ashley,” people always ask, “isn’t your car silver??” of course she is. But, fun fact for ya, did you know that in the book The Wizard of Oz, the slippers were actually silver? Hollywood changed them to ruby for the movie because the red made a much bigger splash in Technicolor. And now you know.

So Ruby she became, and Ruby she will always be.

Ruby has been there through all the major life changes I experienced in the past three years, changes that not only brought me childhood to womanhood, but also brought me across the country…a couple times. And whether the journey was literal or figurative, Ruby has been a faithful traveling companion.

The figurative journeys are many and I’m sure uninteresting to the casual observer, (lets just say that Ruby and my sunglasses have been witness to many secret tears and rants…Ruby is a good listener, and she never laughs at my rambling prayers). But the greatest of the literal journeys was to the great state of Colorado! Despite the high altitude, Ruby huffed and puffed and together we acclimated and soon we were both in love with the mountains. We drove to class and to outings and to homes, but the big adventure, the day that Ruby truly proved herself as the most faithful of cars, was the day we concurred Pikes Peak.   

My friends and I had been talking about driving to the top of this beautiful mountain that made its home just outside our windows, but no one was too sure about being the driver of such an extrusion. Well, I’ve never been able to say no to an adventure, so I bravely (and perhaps a bit foolishly) volunteered mine and Ruby’s services. And so, the five (or six, counting Ruby) of us started out one sunny day, ready for anything.

The ride up was fine; Ruby was a stud, solid as the rocks beneath her tires. We made it to the top in no time and had a blast playing in the snow, even building a mini snow man to carry down on Ruby’s windshield. It was the down part that brought problems.

Shortly after we started down I could feel that something was different, I didn’t know exactly what, but something in the way Ruby was taking the mountain was off. I was very, very scared, but I kept as brave a face as I could for my friends (even though around every turn I was imagining the breaks going out and, consequently, us going down!). My friends were concerned as well, we took a break half-way down to give my girl a rest, and then we slooowly made our way to the bottom. At the end of the mountain, I heaved a huge sign of relief, the worst was over…but the trip was not done yet. Even though we no longer faced the chance of careening over the side of a cliff, we still had at least an hour drive home, during which time Ruby kept making funny noises, and even stalling at several lights! “Come on Rubes, you can make it. God, please let us make it home.” I prayed, and prayed all the way back to the apartment. We pulled onto our street, and into the complex, and as I started to pull into my parking space, she stopped…and wouldn't start again. I had to run up and get some of the guys to help me push her into the space.

Think what you might, but I fully believe (all jokes aside) that God had angels pushing Ruby home that day; He made sure we made it, safe and sound.

Well, needless to say Ruby was out of commission the next couple weeks. I called my dad who knew someone, who knew someone, who knew someone who was good friends with someone who owned a garage in Colorado Springs. I was able to have Ruby towed there and they fixed her up, something to do with the transmission overheating, details aren’t important, what's important is that she came back, good as new, my brave little car. I was so happy to have her back!

When we were at the top of Pikes Peek, I’d bought a bumper sticker that said “Real Women Don’t Need Guard Rails”, I thought I was getting the sticker for myself, little did I know that the “Real Woman” was actually Ruby!

Over the few years that followed, we shared many more adventures, big and small. The next big one was the day we drove all the way from Maryland to Michigan all alone. I was moving back to the Great Lakes State, and was a little nervous about the long trip, because as we both knew, if there was a way to get lost, I would find it! Well I’m proud to say that not once on the twelve hour drive did we make a single wrong turn! There was a close call once we hit Detroit and merged onto the free-way on the left, only to realize that we’d have to exit almost immediately on the right! Across four lanes of traffic! I almost despaired, when I suddenly remembered where I was. “Ok Ruby,” I said aloud, “we’re in Detroit now, lets drive like it!” Ruby kicked the Marylanders dust off her tires and remembered her heritage, and like a dream we slid easily across all four lanes, not cutting off a single car, and off our exit we drove!

Dont let that "Maryland" plate fool you! This girl drives like a true Michigander! 

There were also the many times when I was foolish and let the gas tank run lower then it should. But God was always on my side, and every time we ran dry, it was in the driveway of the gas station! (This is not a point of pride for me, and no worries, I never let Ruby get too thirsty after that!) She was always faithful to get me as close as she could, it was amazing really.

There are many more stories that only Ruby and I can understand, and I will always cherish them. I know all this may be silly to most of you readers, and some of it is, but all this is just to say how much I’ve appreciated and loved this car, I’m so thankful for the adventures, and memories. Ruby was a good, good car to me, despite my silliness. In the years that I owned this car I grew from a child and became a woman, independent and a little bit scared, but I always felt safer in my car, my little sanctuary. A place where I could cry freely without shame, a place where I could talk through my problems and life confusion with God, and a place where I was free to act completely ridiculous without caring what other people thought of me, singing at the top of my lungs and just driving for the enjoyment of it.

So Ruby, though I am sad that we shall not be together any more, I am thankful for the times we had. And I hope that wherever the next turn in the road has in store for you, that you will bless your driver as much as you’ve blessed me.

I love you Rubes! 

Putting Down Roots

Dirt under my fingernails, sunburn on my shoulders, scratches all over my knees…it’s been a good day.

Today I’ve finally been able to get out into the garden, after too many weeks of constant rain (ok, I know, rain will make the flowers grow) and cold, overcast skies, the sun has arrived, and with it came a very special package of iris bulbs! At the Mount Clemens house, the highlight of my spring and summer was my garden, I loved getting dirty and digging up holes to plant new flowers every spring, and watching them grow and bloom. There was always a vase of my hyacinths and iris’s on the kitchen table, and every summer I would pray my lilies would bloom before I left for Camp.

            One of the saddest parts of leaving the actual house in The Clem was leaving behind my garden…sadder still was driving past the next year and seeing that my trellis arch, the one my dad and brother had built for me and had been the happy home to my clematis and morning glories, had been removed by the new homeowners!

            But all was not lost! My grandma had rescued most of my iris bulbs, and replanted them in her own garden, awaiting the day when I would once again have a place to tend them. A few went to my mom in Maryland, and now, a few have found a home in the garden of the Chapel House. I cant wait to see their colorful faces!

            I feel like my little iris’s and I have a lot in common, we have both been dug up and replanted in many gardens in just a few years, yet we manage to dig down our roots and bloom.

I just hope that I can give my baby flowers the love and care that my Gardener gives me!  

Just Your Typical Saturday

For some people in the world, today was just another Saturday, but in my little corner, it was exceptional! So exceptional in fact, that I kept a list of everything that was good today.

Sleeping In
As all good days should start, this one began with the sunshine streaming though my windows, and my alarm clock turned off. A wonderful start.

Surprise Balloon
After dragging myself out of bed, I joined Amy (my roomie) in the living room where she was watching Grey’s Anatomy (no surprise these days :-). While I was watching, something kept catching my eye in the window, the blinds were closed, but something kept glittering in between the slats. I went outside to see what was out there, and was greeted with two surprises! First, that it was a BEAUTIFUL day!! It seriously felt like spring! June! I ran back inside and demanded Amy come out and feel how lovely it was, and also to see the second surprise, a foil, Happy Birthday balloon had gotten tangled in the bushes!

Writing Notes to Strangers
The two of us excitedly decided to re-launch the balloon, but first we wanted to write a note to whatever stranger re-discovered our little balloon. We wrote: “Dear Stranger! You are beautiful inside and out. And whether your birthday is today or not we hope it’s special! Jesus loves you. Love, Ashley and Amy”.


Launching Balloon
We went outside (running and skipping in my case) and let our balloon go…but it had begun to deflate quite a bit so it took some coaxing and quite awhile for it to actually get more then just a few dozen feet off the ground. But eventually (after a good 15 to 20 minutes!) it was nothing more then a winking speck in the clouds. We watched it until we saw spots and the balloon was far beyond the clouds. I hope someone finds it and that it brings as much happiness to their day as it did to ours!

Roller Bladeing
The day was so, SO pretty, that I had to be out in it, so Amy and I strapped on our roller blades and took a trip around the block.

Swinging
Behind our house is a YMCA, and behind the Y is a swing set, so we swung.

Walking to Forest Hills Foods
After all that excitement, we were hungry. So we walked over to Forest Hills Foods, a very local grocery store (it takes less then 5 minutes to walk there!). It was extra fun because my friend Justin was working, so got to chat with him a bit before we walked home, carrying our goods.

Eating Salad and Watching Grey’s Anatomy
I love salad. Not the biggest fan of Grey’s, but Amy’s been blasting through every season for the past several weeks, so it’s fun to watch them with her :-)

Crazy Busy Work
I had work at 4:00 at Barnes and Nobles. As I climbed the escalator upstairs to the employees room, I was astounded at how many people were there! It was full, like day-before-Christmas full! Apparently there was an author there signing books, a cooperation doing a book drive, a high school club having story time in the kids section, and a scavenger hunt with the mall!

Seeing Friends in Unexpected Places
After clocking in I was weaving my way to the kids section, when I look up and see a whole pack of staff guys! They were here for the weekend and were hanging out in the mall, they didn’t know I worked there, so it was a surprise for us all. After several minutes of visiting and being their personal bookseller (no, I wasn’t goofing off, they actually had book questions). I retreated back to the kids section where it continued to be crazy busy all night long…in a really, really fun way!

More Surprise Balloons
Later on, when everything had calmed down and all the groups had left, I helped Kimmie take down the table that one of the groups, a cooperation that was raising money to support the deaf and hard of hearing community, had been using. The group had left a pile of ear plus, which they had used to promote their book drive, and a few balloons. I asked Kimmie what to do with the ear plugs and balloons, she said just bring the ear plugs down to the information desk, and she didn’t know what to do with the balloons. I asked if I could have them, explaining that the following night was November 11th, and I needed some balloons to launch for wishing! She laughed and said “Sure! They’re yours!” Yay!

Earplugs and The Biebs
Ok, backstory: Friday night, while I was working, I suddenly hear those three familiar notes, da…dada, followed by an all to familiar “whoa-oh-ooh-oh”, and I said to the customer I was with “I didn’t know we played…Bieber!” indeed, J-Biebs himself. Apparently Barnes and Biebs have joined together in some contest thing, and as a result we play his music in our rotation to promote it. well, I loved it, sang along to every song. My co-workers on the other hand…”are you enjoying this?” Ben, the employing manning music that night asked me. “I am LOVING this! It’s so funny!” I said back. “I hate this.” He responded bitterly, “when it came on, part of me died.”
Fast forward back to Saturday. Again, those three notes, and before Bieber could “know you loved me” I was reaching under the kids desk to crank the volume in my section up. Then I ran down stairs, making a stop at the info desk to grab a few packets of the leftover earplugs, and bee lined it to music, where Ben was again working. “Thought you could use these.” I said sweetly. “Well played.” He replied.

The rest of the night was simple, help customers find books, clean up book after customers leave them everywhere.
End of the night finally rolls around, we all clock out and say goodnight, I drive home, happy and carefree, windows down, hair flying.

It was a GOOD day.

And tomorrow is Sunday.
And 11/11
Another good day to come.

Lilies of the Field (or Garden, or Ditch, or Wherever)

Today I was driving down the road and saw one of my favorite sights…tall, glorious, beautiful orange lilies growing in the ditch on the side of the road. These lilies rank among my favorite flowers for many reasons, one, they are just gorgeous! (I mean, really, look at them! They burst upon the earth and bring color wherever they shine their faces!) They also remind me of my garden in Mount Clemens (oh how I miss that little plot of land this time of year!). I had so many lilies, and every year I would watch them shoot up from the ground, their stems growing higher and higher, praying they would bloom before I left for Camp for the summer (sometimes it was close, but they always came out in time to bid me farewell). But it was more than the fond memories and the beauty of the flowers that made me so happy to see these particular blooms on the side of the road today, there was also a hope and a peace they brought with them, a reminder of a promise. Promise, wasn’t that the theme of my year? Have I forgotten so soon?

In Matthew 6:27-30, Jesus says: “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”

Ah!! I am of such little faith! Here I am stressing about packing, and I need to get to the store and get this - and oh, the post office to mail that - don’t forget to bring that overdue library book back - go to the bank and deposit all this money and don’t spend another cent or I’ll be broke - gotta get my shifts covered at work - need to call so and so about my ride - did I turn off my straightener? Don’t forget to pack my alarm clock - have to meet with so and so before I go -don’t forget to eat and shower…worry-worry-worry-I-can’t-breath!

Stop.

Look at the lilies. See them sway in the wind, they are nothing but grass, and yet look at how well the Lord cares for them? You, dear, need to be still, take a deep breath, and know that He is Lord. He’s bringing the pieces together. You, have nothing to worry about. As long as you keep your heart and eyes on Him, He will do what needs doing, and get you to where you need going. Whether you’re in a garden, or a field, or just chillin’ on the side of the road, He’ll make sure you bloom. And that’s a promise.

And so here I am, my life is taking yet another turn down that path. Remember? The Isaiah 30:21 path…I’m still walking and God’s still leading, this time my summer “plans” have taken a turn. Instead of hanging out in Grand Rapids, working, like I thought I would be all summer, I’m being whisked away to go work in the office at UPBC! (halleluiah praise the Lord). The need arose and I felt God’s ok, so away I go! I’m so excited to be able to go home again for more than just my planned week, but for at least a month (maybe more!) and I cant wait to see what God does up there (both at Camp as well as in my own heart, I need this time of refuge more than I know, and I’m so, so thankful that God is bringing me there!) So if you care to find me, look to northern MI, it’s where I’ll be blooming for the next several weeks!

College No More

"The least of us have some influence in this wide world, and perhaps my little girl can do some good by showing others that a contented heart and a happy face are better ornaments than any Paris can give her." – Louisa May Alcott

Well, I officially withdrew from Cornerstone University last week. I said I’d go till the money ran out, and well, looks like that happened a little sooner than I thought! Truly though, I’m relieved. No more stress over homework assignments (really, I think every time a professor assigns work of any kind, years are taken from the students, like the life sucking machine on The Princess Bride. “You have a ten page paper to write…and there go another five years of your life! Mwahaha!!”) Ok, maybe not all homework is that bad (truth be told, some of it I really enjoyed), but I’m still relived to be done.

Some people, despite what our society says, just aren’t cut out for years and years of college (like me…sorry, I’m no good at math, science, or anything that might promise me a high paying job…English and art, it doesn’t get you too far). Some people are, and thank goodness! Because I would really prefer that my doctor have gone to college and learned from the best! But it’s just not worth it for me to spend my short years and small funds on something that I just don’t see paying off for me.

I know a lot of people don’t think this is the wisest decision, I’ve had many, many, many discussions with them, hearing all the reasons why it’s so important for me to get a high degree and spend as much money and time as possible on my education. The problem I have with that is…it’s my life, let me live it. Everyone is going to make mistakes, and unless it’s a life or death outcome, I humbly ask that you let me make my own choices. Maybe you do think that not getting a high degree is a mistake for me…then when it becomes apparent that it is, I will allow you to say “I told you so.” But, until then, please let me live my life the way I feel is right for me, and the way I believe God is leading me. I’m an adult, and as soon as I turned 21, no one else had any say, just me and God.

Now, some things I've heard from people who think it’s a mistake to pull out of college is this:

“You wont be able to provide for yourself, or your future family, unless you get the highest degree possible.” Well, plenty of people provide for themselves on a meager income, yes it’s hard, but it’s possible. And who’s to say I’ll be guaranteed a high paying job that will not only cover my needs, but also the mountains of debt I collected in the process? As for providing for a family, if and when that need arises, I have faith that God will provide.

“You’ll be a debt on society.” Ok, when I’m collecting welfare and never come out from in front of my TV, then I’ll say you won that one…but really? Is the only way I can learn is in a classroom? The only way I can help further society is by waving around a piece of paper saying I graduated college? I have a library card, and I intend to use it. And there are many, many ways that I can be an active participant in society…just try to keep up with me! maybe it’s my background as a home school student, but the idea that the only way to really learn is from behind a desk during an allotted eight hours seemed laughable to me. oh how many times have I corrected people that I did indeed go to a “real school”, due to the fact that I “really” learned. But it was a 24/7 schooling, and a learning that certainly did not stop when the bell rang in the afternoon, or the day I received my high school diploma. I can learn wherever I am, I don’t need to be within the walls of a designated building to do that.

“You’ll regret not going to college.” Maybe, sometimes…but there are a lot of things in life that we cant do, and there are a lot of things we can, sometime you just have to choose which takes precedence. And trust me, however little I might regret not being in college, I would massively regret having to pay for it for years and years and years and years to come.

Honestly, the most important thing to me is where my treasure is. The Bible says wherever you’re treasure is, there your heart will be also. So I could put my treasure, my time, my money, my goals, hopes and dreams into college, give everything to get the highest degree, highest paying job, best house and possessions money can buy, and thus put my heart into those earthly things. Or, I can set my eyes on things above, give my treasure, time, money, goals, hopes and dreams to God, and see where He takes me. All things considering, I choose the latter…and it’s my choice and mine alone.

The quote I have at the beginning of this post is from my favorite book, An Old Fashioned Girl by Louisa May Alcott. It reminds me that I don’t need the most expensive things to be happy, or to make the people around me happy, all I need is a contented heart and a happy face. And I am learning the secret of being content, in any and every situation. I know that God has a plan for me, and it probably doesn’t include more than an associates degree, but He has promised to care for me, and I have hope for my future.

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” – Jeremiah 29:11

On This Day In My History

December 16th, 2006: Rachel's memorial service, a girl that changed my life.

December 16th, 2010: Focus Leadership graduation, a semester that changed my life.

December 16th, 2011: .................

Finals Week Is Not For The Weak | An Observation

As I stepped on campus today, there was a change in the air. My first clue that something was different was that there were no parking spots in my usual lot, everyone was in class today. As I walked to my class, there was a quiet, it was the middle of the day, yet you could hear a pin drop. Students walked in ones and twos, if they dared to talk their conversations never surpassed an utter. The students walking alone seemed to carry on a conversation with themselves, no doubt repeating to themselves again and again the facts they had been learning all semester, and had spent hours deep into the night before cramming into their already over full minds. No one made eye contact as we passed one another. Like sleepwalkers we passed almost unaware. We passed the need for sleep weeks ago, and now we just operate on pure momentum, costing to the end of this last, final week.

And yet, in the midst of the clouds of information we have shrouded ourselves in, there is something else in the air, something that is calling just beyond the fortress of finals. Whispering, beckoning “You're almost here. Almost here. So, close…” can you hear it? Beyond the brick wall of scantrons, a promise, of pillows, and sleep, of mornings with no alarm, with nary an assignment due, and no text books in sight. Today the sun shown, a taste of the promised freedom. Though it is the middle of winter, the day was warm, carrying with it the scent of spring, of change, of renewed life. The old is nearly done, and the new is yet a month away. Only a few more days, a few short exams, then we will arrive, we will find a refuge, and we will be done.

Break…it’s so, very, close…I think we’re gonna make it!

Traditioooooooons! Traditions!

Thanksgiving is a time of traditions. While I was at FLI, one question we were asked in our Marriage and Family class was “what are some of your family’s traditions?” and honestly, my family is one of few traditions, which I don’t mind at all, in fact the free and easy way we would handle celebrations and holidays, without getting bogged down with a lot of traditions, often left us free to create new memories and unique, once upon a time experiences. Not to say we were totally devoid of traditions, we have our handful of short-term traditions, the ones that hang around for a few years before they fizzle out due to forgetfulness. But as far as the rock solid, “Fiddler on the Roof” style traditions, not so much.

I don’t mind this tradition of non-traditions, but when the question was asked last year, it got me thinking, what are some of my own personal traditions? What are some things that I do, even just by myself, that might one day meld into the traditions of my future family?

Well, this month, I had begun one, and another was not meant to be a tradition, but this year I turned it into a tradition. And I’d like to try to keep them both…at least for a while.

Emily Padgett. Good things.

The first tradition, the one I started this year, was on November 11. As I’m sure you’re aware of, this year was a once in a lifetime date of 11-11-11, a wishing day! So at 11:00 pm, eight of us gathered around the clock tower at my school, and tied slips of paper with our wishes to helium balloons, then as 11:11 struck, we launched our balloons, sending away our wishes into the starry sky!

I loved this even so much, that I’ve decided to continue it, and now I look forward to next November 11^th, at 11:11 pm, when I will again launch my wishes to the sky! Would you care to join me?

The other tradition, you could say began last year, though I didn’t think I would make it into a tradition until I chose to continue it this year. Last Thanksgiving, after my friend Annalee and I had our Thanksgiving supper at Denny’s (because it’s always open according to Tim Allen in “The Santa Clause”), we returned to my apartment and watched “The Santa Clause” while eating a tube of cookie dough.

This Thanksgiving, I realized that my grandma (who I’m living with) owns that movie, so of course, I bought myself a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough, and settled myself in front of the television to watch Tim Allen as he masters the art of being Santa. Shall this tradition continue next year? I certainly hope so!

And so, as I grow up, and begin to find myself creating a new life for myself, not quite separate from my family, though not quite adjoined either, I will continue to create these little traditions, though I’m sure I can promise I will have my own handful of non-traditions as well.

:-)

P.S. while I was writing this post, I was talking with my sister, and she mentioned these as her favorite “traditions” my family keeps pertaining to Christmas, the next major, tradition-packed holiday.

Getting sick – Apparently we always get sick on Christmas? I don’t remember this one…

Christmas in the car – Last Christmas, the 25^th was on a Saturday. Because of the way the day fell and the way Dads work schedule was, the parents wanted us to drive up to Michigan the day after Christmas. However, we kids wanted to be at church to see all our friends by Sunday, so we talked Mom and Dad into celebrating “Christmas in the Car”. We could open presents, watch Christmas movies, listen to Christmas music…how great! Well, we ended up just celebrating on Christmas Eve, then just sleeping the whole way to Michigan. But it was the thought that counts, right?

Playing Ketchup

Due to my over full schedule, I’m going to give this long overdue update in just five minutes (for my owns memory sake, if you don’t understand it, I apologize :-) (p.s. today one of my profs said “make sure you’re up to date on your reading so you don’t have to play catch-up...hence, the title…yeah, my brain is fried)

Ready? Go!

Mid-August in Maryland woke up 6:00am covered in HIVES! So I didn’t get my early start on the road as I had to take a shower.

Hour later got on the road, took a nap after 2 hours, and then booked the rest of the 8 hours to get to Jessie’s house before rush hour hit. Drove like Detroit in the city (felt good to drive with real drivers again! Sorry MD) and got to Jessie’s and crashed (to sleep, not my car. Ruby performed admirably and faithfully…we didn’t get lost once!)

Next day picked up Emmy and we headed to GR. First half of the week in GR, head back to Detroit. Second half of the week Detroit, Frisbee, beach, church picnic. Emmy fly back to MD, I drive back to GR.

Orientation week at Cornerstone. Terra firma group: Cobalt! Make some new friends (all freshmen…I’m old) beach, baseball, tours, worship, etc.

Classes start! Drop Minorities (if you don’t want me to stereotype you, don’t stereotype me) pick up Wellness (yes, ok, I need to exercise, better when I’m forced to) psych, intro to social work, econ, old test lit. Drop econ (too much! Too much!)

Job! Cold Stone Creamery (ice cream, people, singing? Yes please!) Love it.

Commuting. Its tough – 7am waking up in the morning, gotta be fresh gotta go upstairs, gotta be cool gotta have my cereal (in my cool to go cup) and my spinach smoothie (cuz it’s healthy) gotta get out to my car yeah, gotta get to class…I see my friends! Sitting in the front row, sleeping in the back row, gotta make my mind up, which test should I pass?

Don’t get home till after 11 most nights. Sleep is a myth.

Church is wonderful. So blessed to see my friends and camp family every week. Spend time with a few of my girls, and more to see (someday)

Courageous! Friends came up from the D to see it with me, then Jessie and I went downtown (found $3 parking!!!) checked out Art Prize and did the Improv Everywhere MP3 Experiment! Dream. Come. True.

Weather is lovely today and I am determined to get ahead in at least one class so I can better prioritize.

My head hurts most of the time, and I feel as if life is the big dog on the end of the leash. (Once when I was about 6, I was walking my uncle’s dog, Jake. He was a good dog, but something excited him and he took off running, literally dragging me behind…I was wearing my favorite dress.) That’s how I feel my life is right now: life is the dog, excitedly running ahead, chasing something in the distance, and I’m the little girl being dragged behind. Ideally, I would be the one in charge; I am holding the leash after all, right? But truly, I have no choice but to be dragged wherever the dog-life takes me, and breathlessly hope I can maintain my hold.

This dog of life is picking up speed! I hope the thing he’s chasing is God! (thought I guess I do have control over that decision)

That was 20 minutes…did ya catch (ketch) any of that?

Where’s Yours?

Several days ago, one of my Focus classmates, Andrew, posted a picture on our Facebook page of his book bag. Amongst the thick, college volumes, was the blue, metal water bottle each of us was given upon our arrival at FLI. These water bottles were icons of our semester there; several always sat scattered across the classroom tables, or poked out of back packs, rolled around cars, and rested on kitchen counters. We were told throughout the semester of the dangers of dehydration, and were reminded on a daily basis that being in higher elevation led to quicker dehydration. We would joke among ourselves that a bottle of water would cure any aliment, chanting the phrase our professors said to us day after day: “drink more water.” Tired? Drink more water. Hungry? Drink more water. Confused? Drink more water. And on it went.

The caption that accompanied Andrews photo read, “Where’s yours?” Since that picture, several of us have snapped photos of our own water bottles, in prominent places in our rooms, work place, or daily lives, adding our own caption of “Where’s yours?” It’s been fun to see where people have chosen to place this reminder and how it coincides so well with each personality.

But looking at these pictures has got me thinking. How many other “Where’s yours?” type things should we keep in a prominent place, but instead we hide away, whether on accident or by choice. Things that deserve a place of high recognition and respect. Things that we should have out to remind us of the important things in life.

What about our faith? If someone were to come up to me and show me their faith, then ask me “where’s yours?” what would I tell them? What would my proverbial photo of my faith reveal? Would it be boldly displayed in a place of honor in my life, where it could be seen and witnessed by others? Or would it be hidden away in a dark box shoved deep under my bed, where it would be safe, but unseen?

I am proud of the condition of my FLI water bottle. If you were to see it, you would notice that it is covered in scratches, blue paint has been scraped off to reveal silver metal. Dents are scattered across the surface caused by the many times I’d dropped it. True, my bottle is not in prime condition, but that’s why I love it. I do not begrudge a single imperfection of that bottle, because each and every scratch and dent tells of the times I dropped it while I was hiking up a mountain, or exploring Pikes Peak, or climbing at Garden of the Gods. Those times when thirst consumed me, and I relied on the water inside the bottle to sustain me.

Ok, so maybe it wasn’t life or death experiences, but even so, I love the fact that my bottle has been covered with battle wounds, it tells the story of my time in Colorado.

But what about my faith? If someone could see my faith, would they see a faith covered in nicks and scratches? Bearing the results of intense battle and use? Or would they see a faith in pristine condition, glossy and smooth, shining perfection…and little used?

In Matthew, Jesus says,

“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

When I was given my water bottle on that first day, I thought to myself, “Cool! I was needing one of these.” At this point I could have placed my brand new, shiny, blue bottle back in its box and tucked it under my bed. But that would be useless, and the bottle would be no good to me. Instead I used the bottle every day, dutifully following the orders to “drink more water.” I carried it with me literally everywhere I went, and even though it went through some difficult situations, it has been of good use to me.

I hope it is the same when it comes to my faith. I don’t want to “hide it under a bushel” no. I want to let it shine. Even if that means that it’s going to hurt, and even if that means that I’ll receive some battle wounds. I hope that in life, I will boldly display my faith for all to see, and that they would praise my Father in Heaven.

If asked “Where’s yours?” when it comes to my faith, I want to answer, “here it is” with confidence. This light of mine may be little, and it may be scratched and dented, but I’m gonna let it shine! And Soli Deo Gloria! (to God alone be the glory)

My water bottle, carabinered to my Cornerstone backpack, on the back of my car/home

This Year is Different

Today I realized something.

For the four semesters I was at community college, I would tape a picture to the cover of my notebook. Each semester a new notebook, but the same picture, laminated and covered in packing tape, tattered around the edges and slightly faded. It was a picture that had hung on my bedroom walls all through high school. It was my motivation. This picture was of several students smiling chilly smiles, dressed head to toe in winter gear. Bold words ran across the picture “Faith can move mountains…come practice with us in the Rockies.” It was an advertisement for Focus on the Family Institute (now Focus Leadership Institute) that I had clipped out of a magazine. It was to remind me.

Everyday, I would think to myself “why am I even here? I hate the teachers, I hate the homework, I’m sick of the foul language spinning around me. Why cant I just quit?” then I would look at my notebook, place my hand on those smiling faces, and remember. In order to achieve my dream and attend the Institute, I had to finish those first two years of college. It was hard, some day’s it really hurt. But I made it.

This year I don’t need a picture of strangers to tape to my notebook, because I have countless pictures and memories of friends, brothers and sisters, to remind me.

This year I don’t need to picture to help me make it though the school year, but I do need the memory to help me continue straight forward, to not only get through the day, but to strive to apply the things I learned about God, myself and others in this new school.

This year I have been equipped.

This year, I begin again.

What pictures will I fill my notebook cover with next?

...and these are just a few...